Honestly I would elope and not tell them and start getting closer with his family and make distance with your family. NTA. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. He sounds pathetic. It was them saying theyd apologize if OP insisted for me. Cut them all off till they learn their lesson. It may be while he's getting ready for the ceremony, during family photos, the first dance, cake cutting, etc. Not only would I keep them disinvited, Id go no contact completely. NTA - stand your ground. NTA this is toxic masculinity and honestly who tf hides an inhaler from an asthmatic?! Get out or get on board. They separated and very shortly after my dad started dating a women. A native English speaker would be like yeah, sure whatever, hearing that. NTA. What gives them the right to test him? NTA, I have asthma and that's no joke. Not a "real" man. Those assholes would show up in their hunting gear and make everyone miserable. Something like Am I being gaslit? Because thats all this post was. Oh wait. Is this the future you want? She should at least have offered to find buyers for you. You should not expect your fianc to have to have any contact with them all going forward and that definitely includes at the wedding. Those men are beyond toxic. They could have killed him. The "men" in your family are just a bunch of bullies. I was thinking "surely there must be a law against hidng someone's medication, that could be so fucking dangerous. From one person whos been through this to another, thank you for having the courage to step back and stop the cycle. . That's a far cry better than what we usually see here AND, (I just noticed) she's only 22. Screw this chick. Or the time they slashed his tired??? If you give in, now or ever, you will be the AH and you will get your fianc killed. Which is what you're doing. yeah, what kind of balanced human being needs to ask reddit if this kinda shit is ok? Uninviting them to the wedding is the least thing, they're just going to retaliate for their whole lives. Her future husband should have joined in and told OPs family hes no longer participating in their ridiculous tests. What they are doing is expensive (slashing his tires?) NTA. They can feel like real men now. Be sure to throw in about how they are sissies and not very manly for not making it through this simple challenge without help. Your family is driving the wedge, not him. YNTA. This goes way beyond a "prank". Dean and Kevin never had a good relationship because they never wanted my mom and dad to separate in the first place, they resented my stepdad and limitied contact once they moved out. I have never been a cryer but I've shed more tears because of my dad than laughs with him. Whats up with their strange view on masculinity? The only third option is that you stop this dangerous behavior. I'm sorry for what you and your fiance are going through OP. At my birthday they got me a PS5 last year and a new Xbox this year. I would say soft YTA for letting it go so long. I would not have put up with them especially when they slashed my tires. The slashed tires should have been the end of it. You will never have a proper stable relationship due to youre family. It doesn't matter. NTA. And also tell them that this little habit stops here. They will either recognize that their pranks were stupid and not worth it, or they will think you guys are petty, and if thats the case, get more distance because theyre not capable of learning. A parent's approval means the world to a person who is about to marry the love of their life. You know what OP's group of male family members are doing? You also suck for waiting this long but at least you have done something now. Who wins out of this? Who supports you and your dreams? He would be better off using the money to wipe his ass than spend it on her, Lol she let him pay the wedding and then invites him lol I hope stepdad cuts her out too, How directly the fare there so many NTA and ESH?`, Let me guess, most have some variation of "It's YOUR wedding!!!!". Problem was I need my car for work. "Family" doesn't mean anything. Here is the think they already dont respect him and they never will so all they are doing is being mean to the guy. What type of relationship does your dad have with your siblings? I can replace tires, but that prank wouldve been a hard line for me. Proving it was "nothing" by supposedly powering through completely unnecessary pain?? Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. This guy is going to go through an unending life of abuse if he doesn't cut and run. A girl I know died because she was alone in her hotel room and couldn't reach her inhaler. Like men. NTA it's not normal. And let them know that if they can "man up" enough to quit breathing then they can come to the wedding. Growing up i was a daddy's girl, I was his password, wallpaper and profile picture child. Cut those toxic people out and go be happy with the man who loves you. Sometimes that is worth the peace of mind, and sometimes it isn't. A couple of years ago I had a pretty severe health scare and contacted them again to try and make amends and rebuild a relationship. "We just wanted to see if he would be able to save himself with no brakes, because if he can't he clearly isn't a manly man like us". this type of toxic masculinity is why men die so much more often from accidents and suicide. Were I Tim Id be rethinking marrying you. Stick to your guns, because what happens if you decide to have kids and have a son?? Nuff said. My dad taught us how to change oil, mom taught us how to change tires, and our entire lives we helped them with home projects as big as installing a pocket door in our old house. The way he calls you failure is super not okay You do what is right for you and go ahead and uninivite him. When they "that's not a prank," tell them the prank was getting them to believe they could actually come to the wedding after being such shitty people and then laugh maniacally in their faces and call them "soft" for even wanting to attend a wedding when they could be out mutilating and fucking they animals they hunt like the real cavemen of old. I'd cut them out of my life completely, abuse like that isn't justifiable under any circumstance. When they cry, they can be told real men meet their financial obligations or post their own bail. Obviously, OP is NTA for booting them from the wedding. You should cut them off. 100%. They are POSs. This is extremely serious; he could have died. NTA for disinviting them stand your ground OP. After she hung up I asked my fiance if I made the wrong decision and je said it's my wedding and I get to decide eventually but I knew he said that because he's biased. NTA seriously don't let them come to the wedding this is disgusting behavior they are bullies. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. I mean what was the challenge supposed to be exactly? Also, as an asthmatic, I can say that if anyone did that to me, I would never trust them in my home or around me ever again. Dad said they'll apologize if I insist but Tim will have lost the little respect they'd gained for him. Stay away from them forever. Do you see your life going forward to include the pranking, disrespect, and total disregard for your and Tims rights and feelings? Jesus Fucking Christ! Your family ruined the relationship and they should be thankful if you and your fianc/husband ever even talk to them in my opinion. He sounds like an absolute caveman needing to prove physical prowess to compensate for knowing your partner is clearly intellectually superior. this rubbed me the wrong way but i said fuck it and bought a ticket (90) because im a pretty shy person and thought this would be a good opportunity to get out my comfort zone! Your fiance is not an opportunity for your uncle and brothers to demonstrate their masculinity. Don't just uninvite these people from your wedding; uninvite them from your and your fianc's lives. He ended up not seeing his son and I went to work. I see other people saying this is not pranks but bullying and im like bruh they hid his inhaler!!! Congratulations on graduating, OP. Your male relations are bullies. This shit should've ended the moment it began. But to placate your family, tell them theres one thing they could do that will make you reconsider: A manly challenge, if you will, where only by their manliness will they be accepted. The last question is to judge whether you will have latent feelings of guilt should you not attempt to reconcile with your dad, and then not have the opportunity later to do so. NTA theyre bullying your fianc, the level of toxic masculinity is insane and I feel some insecurities about him being a college kid. (English is not my mother tongue, sorry for the spelling), So if he had an asthma attack, and had to be hospitalized, I guess they would deduce hes weak? Blood relations dont necessarily need to be your family. Dude's absolutely like this with avoiding healthcare of any kind (conspiracy nut who's spiraled imo in the last few years) and has bullshit rules about what he (and others) "should" be doing instead of "being lazy". OP cut all contract with these AHs now. Calling him the soft college kid makes it seem like its more about their feelings of inferiority instead of making your fianc prove himself. Your family are living in another century and you're NTA. Tomorrow it will be your son. Be a man!!!. NTA, they literally could have put his life at risk over a stupid prank. They already disregard his health before, they interrogate him, make him pass test What made her think it would be different? OP is NTA for dis-inviting her family, but she is TA for all the times she wrote off her family's actions as "pranks". NTA. Is this how you would want them to treat any future children you have? The wedding is just the first step, OP. Im sorry but these people suck. Like seriously, do you have any idea what it's like not be able to to breathe? This doesn't even seem like bullying this seems like they're legit trying to kill himslashing his tyres? Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. reddit, would i be the asshole if i uninvited her? Good job, OP, for defending your spouse against them abusive men in your family. He has had some health complications straight after and I feel like they blame me for this as well. not let this ruin my relationship with my family. The spares too if they were mounted externally. Yup, this is essentially hazing someone who doesn't even want to be in their stupid frat. I hope you and your soon to be husband have a wonderful life together OP! They are so out of line and out of date with what makes a real man. Your family is toxic, rude and dangerous! Screw the wedding, you should never speak to these people again. Am I crazy or is OPs bf a saint for putting up with this for so long? Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. The offending pranksters would have gotten a bill from us. I call it either attempted murder or criminally malicious death. NTA. But your fiance is crazy to marry you after all this shit. NTA. Heaven forbid you have a son that needs an EpiPen with these monsters around. This is a hill to die on OP. All the best to you both with your marriage! They should be ashamed of themselves. My junior and senior years of high school they had my two younger half-brothers and my stepdad forced me to drop out of all extracurriculars so I could take care of them after school which severely hurt my chances of scholarships. Those family members suck. Im sorry but the men in your life sound like misogynist AHs, leave them in the dust where they belong. Dean and Kevin never had a good relationship because they never wanted my mom and dad to separate in the first place, they resented my stepdad and limitied contact once they moved out. Before they say their next word have him explain this is what true strength is. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Tell Tim that loving you is not a free invitation to be disrespected. You are also TA for condoning their behavior up to this point. I am a woman who grew up in a very masculine family. Agreed. They never thought lesser of me for being a woman, or my best friend for being gay. Is it possible she thought she was doing you a favor letting you off the hook since she knew you really didn't want go in the first place? What a nightmare. NTA. That's a prank. Personally I would go no contact with dad and let him lay in the bed he made. AHs are still AHs. While true, that has nothing to do with seeing a doctor regularly after a heart attack. They are bullies who played with the health of your fiancee! If I was Tim I'd never see them again, and while I wouldn't or couldn't stop you from being in contact with them, I couldn't understand why you would want to. OP found somebody committed to her. Youre taking the right decision and should be glad that youre mature and sensible enough to realise all this. ", Then why tf did you ask him if you knew he was gonna be biased lmao. She let them slash his tires? She cussed me out for prioritizing my hateful and cold hearted brothers over my stepdad and showing him that I'm not worthy of his grace which was really really hurtful for me to hear. I was so mad at the timing of that because I couldn't do nearly as much as I wanted to on that trip because of that unexpected expense. And if you ever have kids then keep them away from this shit show! OP your brother father and uncle all sound terrible with a very strange idea of what constitutes manliness. You know. Fuck those guys. NTA. You never mention where you stand, but Im willing to bet that if they dont line up, you probably wont enjoy their company much. I wouldnt only ban them from my wedding Id stop talking to them entirely. Who slashes tyres as a prank? Plus, as a partner (soon to be wife), you need to support and protect your partner from family if they're doing things like this to them. NTA. INFO: did any of these prankster men go to college? We have too many damn words! You dont mess with someones health. This is a very real crossroad in your life. They have already stated they do not respect your life partner. I wouldnt even consider talking to them for a while. In your future husband's shoes, I'd have walked away from this relationship after it became clear being a part of your life invited stuff like this from your family, frankly, although I'm happy for you that he did stick around. I wouldnt want them near me on my wedding day. I am sure they have along with the mother. I'd pick stepdad, he chose to be family. totally agree. NTA. I mean, they sound basically awful (and essentially bullies) anyway, but that pitches them from 'boorish' to 'sociopathic'. They aren't pranking him, they are bullying him. NTA. They're the ones that have broken the trust. NTA - I cant believe these guys play chess. That's a crazy amount of money. I wonder how they were planning to bring the house down at the actual wedding. What a bunch of toxic people. Exactly. OP needs to go no contact with these Neanderthals if she wants to marry this poor guy. This was not a prank. A lot. With the cost of the tow and labor you might be talking more than a thousand. Side note!!! Ummm he could have died, brain issues due to no oxygen I'm not a Dr. Oh he's dead! They are immature, idiot morons They took Tim on a 3 day trip and hid his inhaler. NTA. Holy fuck, your family is composed of toxic idiots. See our ~~*Best Of*~~ "Most Controversial" at /r/AITAFiltered! Presumably because she's a little lady who doesn't understand "real man" humor (ugh). Since he buys high quality tires, that'd have been an immediate vandalism report. Your family's version of what a "real man" is, is twisted. I'd protect him & any future kids you have with everything you have in you. Seriously, these arent pranks. NTA. After a few minutes of raucous razzing, you can hand them a small item and tell them they can remove the straws, taking at first only one regular breath, then back to the straw, then one regular breath, alternating for another 10 minutes. I basically told him that if he is considering not coming then dont even bother. SSDGM. You allowed it to get this far, far enough that YOUR family jeopardized the health of a man you claim to love. And it sounds like typically the women enable it. NTA by far. Imagine if he had - oh, is it funny to face a murder charge for hiding an inhaler? Bottom line, it's your mom's party and she decides who she wants there. They have it, but it burns everyone around them. Yessss!! Stick to your guns, because you're completely right. From what you've said I sure don't. Throughout my life he was forcing me to take sides in wars I should've never been involved in but at 19 I finally refused to take a side. what if he needed his inhaler? These arent pranks. He could have died. Youre NTA for uninviting them but you may be TA for letting your family take the disrespect are far as they have and then downplaying their actions. edit: words are hard and i could have made my comment way simpler. He has asthma and they could have killed him the first time they took it. Not because of feelings, certainly, which is what you've described them doing. He stole my moms car a few times and stole from me. Right? i dont listen to this artist but she begged (and i mean BEGGED) me to buy a ticket and go with her because nobody else would (shed already asked her other step-sister before asking me). OP needs to uninvite mom for defending the others as well. 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