That's my princess! Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. The two gaze up at Duloc Castle, a building that towers over the rest of the kingdom. FARQUAAD: Oh! That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. The Three Bears (minus Mama Bear) sit around the fire, the Pied Piper is playing his pipe and the rats are all running to him, some elves are directing flight traffic so that the fairies and witches can landetc. Several of the characters from the movie made their way into the musical, but that doesn't mean they all stayed the same. More dwarves run inside the house and shut the door behind them. Three! (holds up 2 fingers) Pick number three, my lord! Shrek (Script) Lyrics SHREK Written by William Steig & Ted Elliott SHREK Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. FIONA: Well, eat up. GINGERBREAD MAN: Don't tell him anything! Fiona sheepishly smiles at Shrek. FARQUAAD: Outrageous! Shrek and Fiona try to grab each other's arms but are pulled away from each other. DONKEY: But, uh, I don't have any friends. Shrek catches a frog and blows it up like a balloon to give to Fiona. FIONA: I have to. FIONA: Please. (to her stomach) Can you hear me? DONKEY: And if you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! SHREK: There it is, princess. SHREK: No! But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. Thunder strikes and crows circling the castle can be heard. Go find you own! Shrek turns, takes note of the princess and walks across the room over to her. DONKEY: I'll tell you why. Standing at the height of four and a half feet, he is much shorter than Fiona. Perched on a rock pinnacle, it was surrounded by a terrifying lake of molten lava. Shrek uses the ropes to launch himself at two knights, knocking them over with his arms. LITTLE BEAR: (crying) This cage is too small. Slow down, baby, please. SHREK: Stop singing! Those waiting in line include Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Geppetto who is carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer carrying the Three Little Pigs. FARQUAAD: Uh, Thelonius. Wake up and smell the pheromones. DONKEY: Man, I like you. Where are the others?! FIONA: But wait, Sir Knight! He sits down, lights a candle made out of his own earwax, and begins eating. This one's full. Oh, no. FIONA: Stop it. part 1 part 2. Suddenly the magic of the spell pulls Fiona away. Give me another chance! Dragon gently caresses Donkey with a single claw. (throws one leg at Gingy) You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world (crumbles his other leg into dust). Up. Fiona goes inside the windmill, gives Shrek a look, and closes the door. Shrek sits on the hill and gazes out at Duloc until nightfall. Turn! DONKEY: You know, I do too. I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! Donkey gasps and makes eye contact with Shrek. This is good. As they continue to talk Fiona keeps grabbing after the arrow as Shrek dodges her attempts. A group of birds drapes a cloak made of flowers around Shrek's shoulders, much to his annoyance. Farquaad's room is is filled with items prepared for his wedding, including crowns and wedding outfits for him and Fiona. DONKEY: (as he's done singing and we fade to black) Oh, that's funny. Farquaad seems confused but watches on silently. DONKEY: And you know what else? SHREK: Yeah, well, maybe you're right, princess. I'm okay. She smiles, clears her throat, and holds out a handkerchief. Hmm? The Captain of the Duloc Guards sits at a table paying a line of people their rewards for turning in the fairytale creatures. A big, green hand rips out a page of the book and shuts it closed. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime! She puts her hand on his arm, but he nudges it away and walks past her. He continues walking through the parking lot. FIONA: Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea. All except for one with an image of Farquaad on it, which Dragon breaks with her fist. Shrek and Fiona kiss and the kiss fades into their wedding kiss. Shut. Just as Shrek nears the door to his home, Donkey jumps in front of him. PUSS Okay. I'm the talking-est damn thing you ever saw. It just needs a few homey touches. Fiona gives Shrek a suspicious look. MONSIEUR HOOD: Please, monster! You're letting her get away! An image of the Seven Dwarves flashes on the screen. Farquaad points at Shrek. Left behind on the horse is a large set of gauntlets and a pair of leg extenders that reached down to the stirrups, which made him look so tall on the saddle. Right? Shrek traces the constellation with his finger. I think I need a hug. DONKEY: Oh you're gonna love it there, Princess. Because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.". You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Fiona makes eye contact with Shrek before he turns away. I get half the booty. SHREK: It's quiet. #Arts & Entertainment#Movies#shrek the musical Edit 1 view 1 editor edited 1+ month ago Home Tip: Highlight text to annotate itX Dragon swoops down and swallows him up in one gulp. DONKEY: Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? DONKEY: Go ahead, have some fun. Behind a broken wall, a giant eye opens to see an unaware Donkey. FIONA: Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. (laughs) The ogre has fallen in love with the princess! Yes, do it. She's a loaded pistol who likes pia coladas and getting caught in the rain. SHREK: Men of Farquaad's stature are inshort supply. Shrek and Fiona are both startled out of their moment. You're a mean, green, fightin' machine. SHREK: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think. FARQUAAD: That champion shall have the honor-- no, no -- the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. Look I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. SHREK: Hi, everyone. Guard 3: Give me that! The exit's over there! SHREK: Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. Blue flower, red thorns. SHREK: Wait a second. DONKEY: Oh, come on, Shrek. Shrek, greatly annoyed, lifts his hand and snuffs out a little fire on the bed left behind by the Dronkeys. The whole congregation gasps as they see Shrek walk ahead towards the altar. SHREK Not fast enough. With Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz, Julie Andrews. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire. Bouncy gameshow music begins to play. [Gasps] Guard 2: Move it along. Donkey dodges the guards as they try to grab him and runs deeper into the forest. SHREK: Well, they're also great in stews. Did you do that? You're all right. GINGERBREAD MAN: God bless us, every one. FARQUAAD: Oh, this is precious. Fiona opens the door and watches him walk away. Gasps are heard all around. Shrek glances at the soldiers still aiming their crossbows and then turns back to Farquaad. He can talk! Just the word parfait makes me start slobbering. SHREK: Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! They tell stories. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. FARQUAAD: Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. What are youno! Just look at that sunset. They judge me before they even know me. Shrek jump kicks a knight, and then body slams another. You're not that ugly. They reach the top of the climb and hoist themselves up and over the ridge. SHREK: Oh! Hapaya! The passages are littered with bones, armor, and weapons, presumably belonging to the many unsuccessful knights who tried to rescue the princess. DONKEY: Stairs? It's beautiful! No, no, no. Cut it out! Farquaad is captivated by the portrait of Fiona. Farquaad pulls out a dagger and holds it to Fiona's throat. The audience goes wild. FARQUAAD: She's married to the muffin man A door opens and the Captain of the Duloc Guards steps in. FIONA: I mean, look at him. Hours have passed and Fiona has calmed down. DONKEY: What's the matter with you? He hands it back to an appalled Fiona, but before she can react, they are startled by the dragon's roar and she drops it to the floor. SHREK: I, um, I was wonderingare you(sighs) Are you gonna eat that? We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. Okay. That's right, fool! He clears his throat and the table is lowered. ", SHREK: What did I say about singing? FARQUAAD: There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. I'm too young for you to die! Yes, that's it. Shrek and Fiona walk down the aisle to their awaiting carriage, which is made of a giant onion. It's disgusting! Shrek jumps over and approaches the bridge, with Donkey joining in behind him. (Walks passed Donkey). Shrek is wary, while Donkey is downright terrified. MIRROR: So, will it be: bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two, or bachelorette number three? You cut me real deep just now. Shrek the Third - Final Screening Script 5. Let's go! I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until -- Hey, no, wait. FARQUAAD: Very well, ogre. Donkey watches this exchange with a curious look on his face. The trees and grass are neatly cut and the rows of houses all looked exactly the same. SHREK: Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. FIONA: No, it's destiny. Guards! 65m. DONKEY: (trailing after Shrek) Oh, you both have layers. Farquaad drops his weapon and looks up. You know, "Grab your torch and pitchforks." You're not coming home with me. (he holds out his onion). Fiona smacks her reflection in the water, which splashes water onto Donkey. The Ghost of Lord Farquaad. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Get up! Puss leaps onto the bed. Captain, assemble your finest men. This doesn't seem to deter his interest. Magnitude. SHREK: All right, get out of here. Please welcomeCinderella! THELONIUS: Three! OLD WOMAN: No, no, he talks! DONKEY: So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? Yeah. Shrek and Fiona cross the bridge connecting the tallest tower to the rest of the castle. DONKEY: There's a line, there's a line you gotta wait for. You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. They are chased by Dragon through a large hall, her chain looping itself around multiple stone pillars as Shrek zigzags around them. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? [Gasping] Shrek: [Laughs] [Laughing] And stay out! They arrive at the outskirts of a giant volcano and begin to make their way up. I did half the work. Listen to Jesus' crucifixion for example, it's odly interesting. DONKEY: I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. Easy! His back is to a Princess Fiona, laying upright on the bed near the window. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare -- you name it. Shrek's voice echoes throughout the camp and everyone falls silent. Farquaad stops his horse in front of Fiona. FIONA: And what of my groom-to-be? I really don't think this is a good idea. Hold on now. DONKEY: Ohh. Come on. One? You get it? Shrek now has the Big Bad Wolf by the collar and is dragging him to the front door. You're trying to give them a hint and they won't leave. SHREK: Donkey, two things, okay? Shrek stops laughing. MONSIEUR HOOD: Oh! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weed rat stew. (chuckles). Come on, baby. This way! This shall be the norm until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form.". The princess and the unknown man land on a limb high above in the trees It is none other than Monsieur Hood, also known as Robin Hood. Thelonius takes one of the cards and writes 'Awwww' on the back and shows it to the congregation. Shrek dispatches a few more knights with ease. (turns). I'm supposed to be beautiful. Suddenly the pulley comes loose and Shrek starts falling. Shrek Script {Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. I'll see you drawn and quartered! Shrek crashes through the roof of the tallest tower and into Fiona's room. I'm not through with you yet. Dragon smiles, and nods, and takes off towards the town streets. FIONA: But I have to be rescued by my true love! Its all very ominous. That's another thing we have in common. Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip. Don't look down. 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